While the escalation of many Black men dating and marrying White women may be a rising occurrence, it is a contentious topic of discussion among many beautiful, intelligent Black women. This topic of conversation should not be high-jacked and used by some as an exaggerated, divisive tool to promote hostility or hate but to gain a better understanding of this growing occurrence. It should also be understood that by no means is this article about telling anyone who to date and who to love, but to try to get a better grasp on why so many successful Black men seem to have a White woman on their arms when there are so many beautiful, educated, spiritual, and highly intelligent Black women wondering why they are being excluded.
I was prompted to write and discuss this subject when a friend of mine told me his 12-year-old Black niece told him she didn’t have a chance of marrying a successful Black man because successful Black men don’t want a Black woman. They want a White woman. He said his niece extrapolated this view based on her exposure to TV, movies, the media, and what she sees daily in public. She observed that many Black entertainers, actors, sportscasters, pro athletes, corporate executives, and other highly visible professionals have White girlfriends or wives. Her final analysis is that she as a Black woman is not good enough for a successful Black man. Like it or not, this is a growing concern shared by many Black females.
One must examine what is happening, i.e., the African American community is becoming inundated with the persona of successful Black men with White women. Is this a ploy being used by the media to further divide the Black community—or the reality of a more unbiased, diverse, and inclusive America coming to fruition? Regardless, you should be able to understand the concern of Black women wanting a relationship with Black men. This should be understandable because most races or ethnicities prefer and encourage marriage within their race.
First, we must understand there are a plethora of factors contributing to the practice of some Black men excluding Black females. But there are three factors that we cannot ignore: the growing number of Black men attending predominately White universities where they are basically exposed to White females; Black men who personally had bad experiences with Black females, thus excluding them from their dating pool; and Black men who have bought into the hype presented by TV and movies promoting beautiful Black women as superficial, shallow, highly sensational, and materialistic gold diggers. We can go into depth about each of these categories, but they all have the same effect on the psyche of many Black men when all is said and done.
Many would argue the biggest factor is the damage done by too many beautiful Black women being presented in a negative light as superficial, highly volatile divas, selfishly obsessed with materialism. While this portrayal may be for entertainment purposes only, many young Black women want to mimic these behaviors. Most Black men see these characteristics as turn offs that they eventually refuse to tolerate. In the final analysis, the Black woman loses out because no man is going to want to tolerate sensationalism and drama for any length of time, regardless of how beautiful a woman may be. Contrary to what some believe, White women can be extremely dramatic and sensational. So many of them just know how to be deceptive and appear overly submissive until they get what they want. Too many men categorize a group of women unfairly based on their subjective views.
Black male exposure to Black females plays a big part in the issue. They love and take pride in Black women because Black men who attend HBCUs (Historically Black Colleges and Universities) seem to have no problem wanting to spend their time and life with a beautiful, intelligent, educated and spiritually led Black woman. They are not quick to buy into this hype about the short comings of Black women. These are Black men likely to know our true history and our greatness as a people, devoid of the false narratives seeking to keep us divided.
Black men who only date White or Asian women, excluding Black women, are literally devaluing their mothers, sisters, aunts and other strong Black women who may have been in their lives. Isn’t it about time to stop relegating Black women to an inconsequential and inferior level? Why wouldn’t strong intelligent, successful Black men not want strong Black women whom they see as their equal?
You find that many bi-racial Black men of White mothers and Black fathers tend to choose their mother’s race as a preference in dating and marrying women, although these men are technically considered Black. In all honesty, how can anyone fault a man for wanting a woman like his mother if she is a good, loving mother? These men are given some slack when not considering dating Black women because of their affinity to their White mother’s love and support.
Black men, date all the women you want—but don’t exclude Black women just because of their race. Even if you are color conscious, Black women come in an array of colors from peach, coffee, chocolate, ebony, etc. Even if you buy into White features of beauty, there are no shortages of Black women who meet the bill. However, don’t delude yourself that other races of women don’t come without hidden baggage.
It is also suggested that if Black men knew their history, they would be proud and honored with the strength, endurance, and fortitude of Black women who maintain and protect their families. The Black woman has been the rock, keeping her family afloat—regardless of how some in the media may try to promote Black women in a negative light. Black women have always had the Black man’s back, even when the whole world devalued his worth and tried to hold him down.
Black women must demand that TV, movies, and the media manifest more positive portrayals showing African American women in a positive light—devoid of the buffoonery that seems to ‘sell.’ I would like to tell the 12 year old girl doubting her probability of marrying a successful Black man to carry herself as a lady, grow in her intelligence, education, and spirituality, and loving herself. Then her successful, substantive Black man is inevitable.
